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jiromania
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Name: chris
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 11/14/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: Walking.
Expertise: Sunglasses. That's all. In anything else, my skill levels range from "barely effective" to "sadly ineffective".
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/21/2002
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| Wow, I just found this again. And it makes me laugh every time.
This probably won't make sense to most people, if anyone at all.
And that's fine.
Reposted in its entirety from the DVDVR message board.
__________________
Polynesian Pacific Professional Wrestling, 1985.
RIPPER COLLINS: OK wrestling fans, this is Ripper Collins. And in the 6000 years there has been wrestling around the world, every country has known its great
(long pause)
and its greatest. We've had people like Lou Thesz to represent the world's heavyweight championship; we've had Harley Race; great people, great wrestlers go all the way back centuries ago. And we're very lucky now to have among us probably the greatest wrestling star ever, because when you mention his name anywhere in the world---and I do mean anywhere in the world---they all come up with one fantastic person: the one, the only, the Superfly, Jimmy Snuka. The fantastic star
(long pause)
of the world of wrestling. The man who flies through the air
(pause)
from the top rope
(pause)
from 15 feet atop a cage onto his opponent. This is the one, the only, the great, Jimmy Superfly Snuka. It's my honor.
SNUKA: Thank you Ripper, ladies and gentlemen, you wonderful people out there in TV-land. Ripper, I appreciate the compliments you just gave to these people out there. Now you know Ripper, as we go along, and standing here before you ladies and gentlemen, all you people out there: the Hawaiians, the Samoans, the Fijans, the Tongans, the Filipinos and you name it as we go along down the line.
You know, Ripper, I've just been standing out here brother, listenin' to you mentioning about all these greatest wrestlers in the past, but nowadays we talkin' about today, tomorrow, and further on. You know, Ripper, there's a lot of people that comes out and stands before this camera and talk.
(EXTREMELY long pause)
You have to realize and know exactly and put it down to a point, to a view, to make sure that you people out there understand exactly what we pointing exactly to you.
Now Ripper...now I know brother, there's a lot of things in everybody's mind wondering what's going on in this world. Well, ladies and gentlemen, only you people can realize and understand one thing, to be paying attention is the only way to know what's going on. Now, Ripper Collins, you know there's a lot of things going on in this world, but there's a lot going on in professional wrestling! And professional wrestling is the name of the sport, there it is only one of its kind.
Now Ripper, there's been a lot of men that's been coming out of the United States, come flying into Honolulu, Hawaii. Why? Because all the professional wrestlers around the world, you name it, around San Francisco---which I'm looking forward to come there---even down all over the coast. Man, you name it, everybody is looking forward to come right here to Hawaii because they know Hawaii is the beautiful paradise of one of the South Pacific islands. You don't even name the Samoan islands, which is one of the prettiest of the South Pacific; the Tongan islands which is the South Pacific; the Fijan islands, which is another paradise of all the South Pacific islands. You name all these wrestlers that come here from all over the world; you name it we got it. And standing here right before you I am one of the Polynesians that represents all the Polynesian islands.
Ripper Collins, we go back in your time brother, that you are one of the greatest and still is. But ladies and gentlemen, you name it, we got it; but there is only one thing that I just like to know deep down in my heart: what is going on here? I want to know. I have to know. Because that's the only way to find out who's got what and who's got who.
Now the most important thing to everyone in professional wrestling, Ripper Collins, is challenging and getting into the ringcircle. Because for one thing everybody is challenging each other for one thing...for one thing, and what that one thing is Ripper Collins, and that's titles. Titles are all over the world, you name the titles that's 'round the world, it might be too much. But let me tell you one thing, it only take faith and confidence to get inside to that ringcircle wherever you at and fight. If it's here in Hawaii, which is so important and so special to me. Hawaiian Islands is what we represent; I represent the Polynesian islands, and if anybody think in their mind that they could come from the mainland, here to my part of my country, and think that they can come and try to demolish the Polynesian islands and and try to take away what they think that does not belong to them---what belongs to us is what we gotta keep in the Hawaiian Islands. Ho-hano, brother.
(about two minutes later, during the next match)
:
RIPPER COLLINS (attempting the save): I wanna tell the fans, Snuka was talking on his interview there, and in plain simple English what he was telling the whole world is: Jerry Lawler, you're coming to my Hawaii, to my Polynesian land, and I'm going to kick you from post to post and pillar to pillar and take that belt back. | | |
| HELLO!
Worry not, I'm alive. Pullman/WSU is good so far. People here are extremely, and creepily, nice. Also: a lot of school spirit. Go Cougs?
In other news, I've made a bunch of progress on the long-promised continuation of my review of The Last Crusade. GET EXCITED
Oh, and feast your eyes on the god-man to your left.
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| So, a lot of things happened today.
The thing that I'll concern you guys with, though, is that I discovered today that I'll be moving in two weeks, and attending Washington State University in Pullman, WA. Classes start Jan. 9th!
So... uh... bye? | | |
| Very quickly: I'm listening to the MTV Unplugged version of REM's "Losing My Religion", and Michael Stipe is either the hippest white person ever or the UNhippest. His true nature will remain a mystery, at least until REM covers a party joint like Mase's "Feel So Good".
Also, according to my sister who served him when she was waiting tables in San Fransisco, he's a shitty tipper. This may actually work in his favor in terms of coolness points; take, for example, the notoriously difficult Johnny Depp, who once tipped a waitress by beating her with his dick.
Nevertheless, Stipe is a small, skinny, bald white man, and they tend to either be really cool or really fucking stupid (see Moby). So he has a fighting chance. Also remember that I am drunk. | | |
| I have seen the future of winter here in Chicago, and it deserves to be harpooned.
Walking in the mall where I work the other day, my eyes were accosted by an attractive young girl who was wearing what appeared to be the skinned remnants of a pink Yeti on her feet. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the fur of the snowy predator had actually been fashioned into boots for this stupid, stupid woman. I attempted to take a picture using my cellphone so that I could document the horror for all of you, but the boots sensed my intentions and sent an icy blast my way, dealing 48 points of damage and causing me to run in fear.
Why would anyone wear this shit? It’s more than a fashion faux pas; it’s an open sore on the genitals of human reason. High-fashion trends are usually really, really funny for one reason or another; recall the inside-out clothing of the early 1990s, or the flannel shirts which became luxury fashion must-haves after Kurt Cobain made them popular, despite the fact that he wore them in the first place because they were cheap and warm. Judging by the boots that this shameless whore wore, I’d say that the next huge trend is wearing live baby seals strapped to the bottom of your feet. They squeal adorably with each step you take!
And they’re dyed pink.
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